Joe C - I swim as a celebration of who I am

From an early age I never felt like I belonged or fit in. Anywhere. Ever. Certainly not in my own family or skin. When I was in junior high, I was introduced to drugs and everything changed. I fit in, I belonged, these were my people. I no longer had to feel anything. It was great until it wasn’t. I’ll spare you the wreckage but ultimately my life fell apart after 27 years of crazy active addiction.

Everything I feared came true. Most of all I was confronted with my addiction and raging self-centeredness. With the help of some very amazing friends and the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous I walked away. Got clean. I am a drug addict to the core. At my worst I’m loud and obnoxious, arrogant and full of shit. Clean... I am true Joe, loyal, empathetic and full of questions and wonder with lots of love to give.

I have always been a swimmer and always loved the ocean. My addiction caused me to miss lots of time in the water. But my love of the water has always remained.

I used to swim to be noticed. I wanted to be somebody, impressive. I used to look for my value in worth in what I did, or people or places or things. I desperately wanted people to like me and would do just about anything to be liked. And at the same time, I lived in great fear that I would be rejected by those very people. I always thought if I could accomplish this swim or that event people would like me. I now know that’s bullshit.

Now I swim as a celebration of who I am, and I am enough. Joe period. I swim as a celebration of love for others, myself and those I've lost. Swimming for me is spiritual practice. I'm not interested in times or pace. I am just me and I’m cool with that. I swim as a response to the Divine within.

And big swims are super fucking fun! And swim people are super real and honest and I trust most of them. And coffee and donuts and tacos.