Next up - Eric F

My name is Eric and I want to tell you about how open ocean swimming gave me the opportunity to develop the skills I need to confidently face any challenge that life may send my way. Swimming has helped me learn how to self-regulate when my complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) or extreme anxiety is triggered. If I can control my breathing and heart rate while I swim in the middle of winter, wearing a pink speedo, in 52-degree water, with high surf, all before sunrise; I can do anything.

I also want to expose the lie of big alcohol and their massive campaign to make you believe that alcohol does something positive for you and your life. We’re constantly told you’ll have more fun if you drink or that you miss out if you don’t. These are all marketing lies designed to get your money and keep you down. The truth is: If you drink alcohol, you must accept being a lesser version of yourself.

I’m not willing to accept this fate and my goal is to show people how fully you can live when you drop alcohol and intentionally pursue being the best version of yourself. I publicly share my story because I know there are other people who are struggling and feel hopeless. I’m here to tell you, THERE IS HOPE AND YOU CAN DO IT! I’m living proof that you can pull yourself out of even the darkest abyss and transform your life.

My story with alcohol is tightly woven with my story of trauma. I lived through periods in my life that were extremely volatile and, for years, was the victim of a near constant barrage of violence and psychological terror brought on by the people who had promised to love me. Being trapped in this environment was extremely damaging to my psychological well-being. I became very depressed and developed anxiety. I had no coping mechanisms other than to have a drink, smoke or eat. At the time, I didn’t know how alcohol alters brain chemistry to make your depression and anxiety worse.

In less than a year, I ballooned to 265 lbs and a size 48 waist and had zero self-confidence. I had been an elite high school athlete, avid surfer and run two marathons, now I was getting winded when I’d walk up a flight of stairs. I knew I had to change, and in the winter of 2017, I began what started as just a physical transformation but ended up completely altering who I am as a person and has allowed me to access levels of personal fulfillment, joy and overall happiness that I never imagined possible.

I knew I had to develop my discipline if I were to be successful in losing weight, so I began waking up early to exercise. It seemed like a small step, but getting up when it’s dark and cold out is one of the hardest things a person can do. I knew if I could develop this type of discipline, it would transfer to other aspects of my life. Intentionally seeking out uncomfortable situations to find growth became a key component of my successful recovery.

I lost 85 lbs in less than a year and was feeling incredibly confident. However, I was still drinking heavily. My life was a dichotomy of high fun times, where I drank with friends to socialize but on the opposite end, there were volatile, dark times where I drank to numb the pain. There was nothing in between. I started therapy and began to unpack my life. Over several years, my therapist helped me find the courage to leave my abusive situation and try to start a new life.

What I hoped would be a fresh start turned into the most challenging period of my life. I experienced so many horrible things and an unimaginable amount of pain; I barely survived. The body keeps score, and I was in a constant state of extreme anxiety, panic and insomnia.

During this period, I made several attempts to quit drinking and every time I would get myself back to a state of regulation, another event would happen which would trigger my racing heart, my shortness of breath, my intrusive thoughts of what might go wrong, and the only way I could calm myself or sleep was to have a drink. The alcohol helped briefly, but the effects would wear off shortly and I ended up with more anxiety. This began a spiral where I would end up physically dependent on alcohol.

These brief periods of sobriety followed by relapse were heartbreaking for my family. They didn’t understand why I would keep going back to something that had caused so much pain. In retrospect, I didn’t have the tools needed to cope with my psychological trauma or to operate in a world where so many activities are centered around drinking.

On March 6, 2022, I was at the lowest point in my life. I decided the only thing I could do was focus on making the right choice in every moment of my life. I decided I had to live without alcohol and that was the day I quit.

I am incredibly resilient and a very hard worker so I white knuckled the first few months of being alcohol free. I’m so grateful for the twelve-step community which helped me when no one else would. This community gave me love without judgment and showed me that there was a beautiful life possible without alcohol.

I focused on my daily routine of gratitude, fitness, nutrition and only putting energy towards things that I can control and radically accepting everything outside of my control.

Things were improving and I started to heal; however, I still struggled to cope with the extreme physiological impact of my trauma. I vaped near constantly to release this anxiety. In August, I was introduced to ocean swimming in La Jolla Cove. I was hooked the moment I first touched the quarter-mile buoy. Within a month, I quit vaping cold turkey and my life had changed.

Swimming gave me a way to train for my anxiety and panic attacks, to treat my psychological trauma and to overcome my dissociation. The cold takes your breath away, the waves can be dangerous, the currents pull on you, and there are sharks. You quite literally have to survive out there and no one is going to help you. The only way to safety is to not panic and to swim, which for me, became an analogy of life. One must accept that horrible things will happen to you and you can’t change that; but you can change how you react and how you frame those events in your mind. Every challenge is an opportunity for growth.

I learned to love the cold and swam all winter without a wetsuit. I was able to use the skills I developed swimming in the cold to overcome some very difficult situations in my life that would have almost surely led me to a relapse had I not been swimming.

I began pushing the limits of what I could accomplish physically. When David Goggins decided to bail on his 4x4x48 Challenge this March, I decided to run two marathons (52.4 miles) in 48 hours to show I was more savage than him. I finished the two marathons with a swim in the Cove. I’ve extended an open invitation to Goggins to swim with us and look forward to the day he accepts.

Swimming has been wonderful for my mental health and allowed me a vehicle for healing. I have been able to successfully treat my depression, anxiety and C-PTSD without medication. Alcohol is a poison that I know I will never put in my body again. I have such an amazing life and it wouldn’t be this way if not for giving up alcohol and then finding the unexpected gift of swimming. I love the way I look; I love the way I feel, I love my relationships, my mental clarity and just the joy that bubbles up from deep within.

Alcohol numbs everything including your happiness and personality. It’s the great procrastinator. My heart breaks when I see people I care about stuck in the cycle of utilizing drinking as a primary coping mechanism. My goal now is to help friends that are interested in breaking this toxic cycle, see a life without alcohol. I have already inspired many friends to quit drinking and I vow to continue leveraging my strength and resilience to help others through their own struggles. It is clear to me that my purpose in life is to help others find the joy I have found through living an alcohol-free life. Find out who you can be without alcohol holding you back from unleashing your fullest potential.

I’m so grateful for swimming. It’s provided me with the opportunity to experience things that I never thought possible. Watching the sunrise in the middle of the ocean with the animals gives me the greatest buzz I’ve ever experienced. I now have the opportunity to swim the Catalina Channel and I’m beyond grateful.

I openly share my story as a message of hope to those who are suffering from psychological trauma, mental illness or have been the victim of abuse. You can heal and recover, but not while you’re drinking. You’ll never achieve the clarity you need and the alcohol will only make the situation worse. You have to bite the bullet and commit to quitting. Things are going to get harder before they get better, but they will get better.

Nipsey Hussle said, “The highest human act is to inspire”, and every day I try to inspire people to be resilient and keep striving for better days.